Besides,
after I was bankrupt, my husband still did not change for
the better but kept on incurring more debts, and debtors kept
coming to our doorstep creating chaos because of their money.
What came next was that I was pregnant again. At that time,
I felt that I could not afford to keep the baby because I
was having so many financial problems. So I had an abortion
even though I felt very depressed to do so. I couldn't work
or divorce him because my daughter was only a few months old
and no one could look after her as she was too attached to
me.
Moreover, I was hoping that my husband
would change for the better so that my daughter wouldn't have
to face a broken family at this young age since I brought
her into this world.
As I wondered why these things kept
happening, I was very discouraged. Then suddenly I felt like
reading Your magazines again. After reading, I started to
practice meditation daily, and I saw purple and yellow lights
and they were very beautiful. A few days later though, I began
to have doubts and fear, probably because I broke the precepts
and felt guilty thinking that Master had already left me.
However, Master, You are so merciful,
because when I thought about giving up again, You appeared
in my dreams telling me not to be fearful of the negative
force since I did not deliberately harm anyone. Then you touched
my forehead and when I woke up, I felt an energy rushing throughout
my whole body.
During meditation, why do I frighten
myself with ideas that disturb and prevent me from concentrating?
Why do I have fear of the darkness and of negative things?
Why is it that through meditation practice, we can leave our
physical body and enter into different worlds of existence?
If we are not totally enlightened before our death, will we
be liberated also or will we be reborn again? Why do good
and innocent people suffer terrible death? Is it fair?
Dear Master, I thank You for Your
kind attention. Good-bye. I hope to hear from You soon.
Yours sincerely, |